A Different Kind of Thanksgiving

This is not the pilgrims and the indians, this is not the large family surrounding the table filled with freshly baked turkey and gravy. Today is just me and mom...and dad....sort of.

Dad is dying. There really is no way around this. He is confined to a hospital bed in the front room and is barely responding. Mom and I have adjusted his position to keep him comfortable. He opens his eyes, but can't speak. He is a frail, wilted skeleton of the man that was my father. We were never close as I was growing up. Over the years, he has mellowed and I've come to appreciate his love for me. Now, though, there is really nothing left. My dad has always had a dry sense of humor, but I could always make him laugh. Try as I may, he isn't laughing anymore, or even smiling.

His chest rattles as his lungs fill with fluid....again. Mom and I have spent the day talking about what we're gonna do....after. We've got to get a funeral home here, and then we'll need to get dad's ashes home (his real home, Cape Cod) for a scattering at sea. There will be a memorial service at some point there and probably one here in FL as well. So much to do, and he's not even dead yet.

I got up last night for a drink and was struck by the irony of a Do Not Resuscitate order signed and taped to the fridge. The whole house is full of death, and death still has yet to arrive. It's like we've prepared for Santa and now wait in our beds to hear the patter of hooves on the roof. We were talking and my mom and her friend, both nurses for 40 years or more said these types of deaths can be long and hard. It's funny, in the end, we are created to live not to die. We float smoothly through life and then when the end comes, our bodies don't let go. Our bodies know, even when we don't that this is a great gift and a blessing.

And still there are things to be thankful for. Dad isn't in pain...that's a BIG one. I've got 99 here with me and she is such a sweet dog. I've always called her my dark angel and she is again keeping me sane. Her wagging tail and instant drool at the sight of any food makes me smile. It's a beautiful day. A cold front has moved through and the clouds have parted leaving a cool crisp fall day, rare for this time of year in Florida. I've got some incredible friends and family, who I should never take for granted. I'm alive, that's always a good one.

You know, if you are reading this, then you are blessed. Not because of this blog, but because you have the technology and resources to be able to access the internet. This likely means you have food and shelter and most probably clothing (though I know a lot of you don't prefer to go without). When you feel the need to bitch about something, remember that. You have more than over 90% of the people on the planet...be grateful,

If your ex drives you nuts, if your parents piss you off, if your health isn't always what you hope, remember that you choose. You decide whether to love and live every minute or to waste them and throw them away.

Dad is dying in the other room and I just carved up a rotisserie chicken from the supermarket and opened some cans of veggies and a jar of gravy. This will be the first Thanksgiving since I was born that my Mom has not cooked a turkey dinner. At this point, neither of us cares about that. We'll sit down and give thanks for the little things and the big, and we'll have another Thanksgiving meal together. When I put the leftovers in the fridge, I'll wince a little at the DNR order, but know this. I will NOT be defeated. I will count every blessing for this big beautiful universe and I will thank the gods that in all of the world in all of time, I am here and now.

Epilogue.....

8 hours after I posted this, my father has passed. Peacefully, with my mom by his side where she has been for 44 years.

Blessings and rest Dad, you have most definitely earned it.