Breakin' my heart

Last night, some guy replied to my add online and was into all the same things I'm into. He lived close and he was a cute younger guy. All good things. I replied back and gave him my email. He then proceeded to send me 6 emails withing the space of 10 minutes. "I'm here", "Here's my number", "I'm waiting are you gonna call?", etc. I pretty much had a clue what was up before I called him, but figured what the hell.

I called and from the second he answered the phone, I knew I was right. He spoke quickly and in hushed tones. He couldn't actually form a complete sentence. He jumped all over the place. Within the first 30 seconds, he mentioned that he was waiting for his dealer to call. He then proceeded to tell me that we needed to get together before Friday, as he was going into a court ordered program on Friday due to his 4th probation violation. He would be gone for 18 months. I asked what he was violated for, possession. His original charge, you guessed it, possession.

My heart sank. Not for me and the nasty pig sex I was not going to have, but for him. Four violations, and still at it. I told him that it was probably best that we waited until he was finished with his program. I wished him all the best with it and then we hung up. I felt so bad after that. Meth is such a huge destructive force in the community. I should know, I've been there.

I remember when I lived in SF, I'd be up for days on end, high on meth. I remember sitting in my living room, picking at my arms cuz I swore that there were bugs in them. I remember standing in my window, looking across the street all all the people watching me from the windows in the building there. It was a community college and closed at 3am. They weren't pretty times, and I still, 11+ years later, still get sick to my stomach thinking about them.

I hope this guy gets to the program on Friday and I hope that he gets the help he needs. In the end, however, I really believe it will be up to him to want to make it happen. I hope that he does.